Girly men

About two years ago, Arnold Schwarzenegger called members of the California legislature "girly men." Not necessarily the smartest comment made by a public figure, but nevertheless, I think it holds some truth today in America and in the church. I've just finished a book called No More Christian Nice Guy and I think it makes some very good points.

For one thing, it seems as if this culture can't figure out what real manhood looks like. On the one hand, there's the "macho" image- a guy who is cocky, acts as if he has everything together and doesn't show emotions. People have seen the negative side of the macho guy and seem to have overreacted by thinking being a girly, passive man is the answer. I'm afraid that's not any better- women don't want to date and marry passive men, employees don't want to hire or work for them anymore than the fake macho guys.

Sadly, I think this problem isn't any better (and in fact may be worse) within the church. The cultural norm for interactions between men encourages these extremes. For example, men often engage in surfacy small-talk and aren't willing to really be vulnerable with each other. It takes effort to find those who genuinely want to know what's going on in your life and stand with you in that. This leads to the impression that godly men are those who have everything together and forgets that we all struggle with stuff. I am so thankful for other guys who have listened to my struggles without freaking out and have been honest and vulnerable with their own ones. The Bible tells us that a godly man is one with a heart after God living a changed life and seeking to mortify sin, but still struggling with sin (not perfect).

Alternatively, we're also given the impression that a godly man is a pushover who acccepts mistreatment of himself and others without taking a stand or confronting people. This isn't exactly how Jesus and the apostles acted. They were bold and confronational when necessary, but also showed genuine kindness and gentleness when needed. I think a sad consequence of this false picture of godliness is men who are afraid to take a stand for what is right, for fear of offending someone and don't step up and lead as God intends. This isn't good for churches, businesses, relationships, families, or the Kingdom.

Now that I've complained about the problems, perhaps I'll give my thoughts on what manhood does look like and how to combat these problems in some future posts.

-JRO